Ken has finished his outpatient recovery program. He is planning to stay sober for a few months. We disagree on his drinking and marijuana use in the future.
He thinks it is OK for him to use "every once in a while." When he says this he is speaking not of oxycontin, but of alcohol and marijuana. I'm more worried about the pot than the drinking. Neither of us are big drinkers, so I don't foresee that developing into a problem. He seems obsessed with getting high. He used to use pot to self medicate, but says he won't do that again. This time he will just use it for recreation. I am terrified that it is going to start out as every once in a while and get more and more frequent. I have lived that movie and have no desire to take part in the sequel.
He doesn't want to talk about how often "occasionally" is. I think I could live with once every few months, but once or twice a week is a lot. It started out, "I won't buy it, I'll just use it sometimes when it's around" and now it's "Well, I'll have to buy it, it's not like it's just going to fall from the sky every time I want it." I am so scared that this is a slippery slope. I already feel us sliding down.
To some extent, I feel like, if it is just for recreation and you know it upsets me, then why is it worth it? If your love of pot is greater than your love for me, and you say it's not an addiction you're mistaken. It is a problem when you start picking a substance over anything. It is scary to me that he doesn't recognize it as a problem.
I am anxious to see what the future holds for us. I pray it's not filled with fights about pot.
-addictsgf
Showing posts with label oxycontin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label oxycontin. Show all posts
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
When Addiction Gets Real
"I WAS addicted to oxycontin, but I detoxed and have been clean for about a year." There is no such thing as a past-tense addict. Addiction is a lifelong battle against a disease.
I am still trying to wrap my mind around addiction being a disease, but I want to understand. His addiction is not personal, about the relationship or even a choice. It may have been a choice the first few times they used, but there is a brain connection missing that was either not there to begin with or destroyed by the substance being abused. This connection or lack thereof, divides the addictive personalities from the non-addictive personalities.
A year and a quarter into our relationship, my boyfriend relapsed. Prior to this, the addiction had not shown itself. I had no concept of the severity, pain and struggle of recovery, but I was about to find out.
At first, I wondered why he would make choices that he knew would hurt him, emotionally and physically. It didn't make sense. Why couldn't he just fight through the withdrawal and get it over with? How many times would I have to watch him suffer through withdrawal if he kept using drugs as a crutch? This pain was his fault. He did this to himself, so shouldn't he have the strength to undo it?
He realized the severity of his struggle after attempting to detox on his own and failing. He finally talked with his parents and they began looking for treatment. Treatment is not always readily available and can cost a pretty penny. Treatment decisions should be made carefully and according to the needs of the addict and this may take a little time. After about a month, he started an outpatient program that met three times a week for four hours.
He is finishing up his outpatient treatment and will soon be moving on to the next step. I am anxious to find out how committed he is to attending NA meetings and staying clean and sober. Right now, he doesn't seem to think alcohol and pot are a problem and that he can go back to these for special occasions. I fear he's going to have to learn that the hard way that complete sobriety is the answer.
Only time will tell. Until next time.
- addictsgf
I am still trying to wrap my mind around addiction being a disease, but I want to understand. His addiction is not personal, about the relationship or even a choice. It may have been a choice the first few times they used, but there is a brain connection missing that was either not there to begin with or destroyed by the substance being abused. This connection or lack thereof, divides the addictive personalities from the non-addictive personalities.
A year and a quarter into our relationship, my boyfriend relapsed. Prior to this, the addiction had not shown itself. I had no concept of the severity, pain and struggle of recovery, but I was about to find out.
At first, I wondered why he would make choices that he knew would hurt him, emotionally and physically. It didn't make sense. Why couldn't he just fight through the withdrawal and get it over with? How many times would I have to watch him suffer through withdrawal if he kept using drugs as a crutch? This pain was his fault. He did this to himself, so shouldn't he have the strength to undo it?
He realized the severity of his struggle after attempting to detox on his own and failing. He finally talked with his parents and they began looking for treatment. Treatment is not always readily available and can cost a pretty penny. Treatment decisions should be made carefully and according to the needs of the addict and this may take a little time. After about a month, he started an outpatient program that met three times a week for four hours.
He is finishing up his outpatient treatment and will soon be moving on to the next step. I am anxious to find out how committed he is to attending NA meetings and staying clean and sober. Right now, he doesn't seem to think alcohol and pot are a problem and that he can go back to these for special occasions. I fear he's going to have to learn that the hard way that complete sobriety is the answer.
Only time will tell. Until next time.
- addictsgf
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